Bitches Ain't Shit
current song: Bitches Ain't Shit - by Ben Folds
Got me a new do
And a ferret!
Her name is Mouse
She poops a lot
To those of you who said ferrets couldn’t have an opinion on capitalist literature, I ask that you observe what Mouse has done to Ayn Rand’s We The Living.
In other news, whilst pursuing an escaped Ferret through the underground railroad that is this apartment’s electric baseboard system, I found 3 (unopened) LifeStyles condoms
and yes, of course I put them in my wallet for my own use, at some point, some day. They’re set to expire in May 2009; think I can get laid by then? Place your bets! My money’s on ‘no’.
In any case, they’re probably too big for my teeny weenie and will only fall to the floor like so many of my hopes and dreams, and I might as well just slice up my wrists and die right now because I suck.
Oh, and also! I suppose I should tell you something that is most hilarious and unexpected. Well, do ya’ll remember ‘Square Glasses Guy’ from yonder hallway? I used to have a big ol’ crush on him, and once in a while I’d write in my journal when I’d seen him, and furthermore of the subtleties and nuances of our (or, mostly my) awkward glances.
Anyways! He friggin added me to msn and Facebook! And we talked for a pretty long time on msn today, it was just unreal!
I know what you’re wondering, and No--- I have not told him that I have secretly christened him ‘Square Glasses Guy’ and have spent many a night dreaming arcane thick-rimmed glasses fantasises whilst biting my pillow/moaning. But yes, I do plan on telling him one day; I can only hope that he finds my creepiness endearing and unique, as opposed to creepy and terrifying. I can also only hope that he doesn’t know or find out about this journal. L_L He did ask me to hang out one day, and I said sure but that I am pretty shy, he said he is too.
I also found out that he is not in college, is probably not a genius like I thought he was, likes SOME good music and movies, and seems to smoke a lot of weed. Also, he’s living with his ex boyfriend, sharing a bed with him still!
In case you were interested, I have produced a new plan that is going to propel me into the very bowels of happiness; this plan is:
winning the lottery.
I know, why didn’t you think of it, right? Well, I just feel like since I’m now 18, I can legally buy tickets, and-- it’s SO unlikely and crazy, that it just might happen to ME. I mean, you never know! You never do! So I will be buying a lottery ticket as soon as possible; which lottery/s should I choose? Any suggestions? I don’t need billions of dollars or anything, even a small amount of money-- 1000$ would make me happy. So far someone has suggested I use Lottario, so I’m keeping that in mind.
Keep in mind that if you help me out with this and I end up winning the lottery, I promise to present a generous benefit package.
I have also officially decided that I am having kids when I grow up. If there is anyone in this world who should be raising other human beings, it certainly is I.
I am especially reminded of this when I look around at those who ARE having babies nowadays: rancid cumslut hollaback white trash ghetto girls who are all way too young and are gonna raise nothing but fucked up, dumb ass kids. I honestly am afraid for the future of the world if these kids are our future, so I feel I have no choice but to raise some decent kids. Well, more than decent: mega-kids! Remember that show Mega Babies? It was disgusting.
This might all be an effect of my pills though; ever since being on antidepressants a dormant aspect of my personality appears to have awoken; All I think about is animals, pets, and babies! Constantly! I just want a house full of animals and kids, I’m not even kidding. It’s all I think about.
Like-- I know what my true calling in life is! I finally know:
I’m a mom.
Someone impregnate meee nowww