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p0ison1vy [userpic]

Letter to mom

January 1st, 2008 (09:16 pm)
okay

current mood: okay
current song: To Here Knows When - My Bloody Valentine

Dearest Mother,

As you know, it is my birthday: my 18th to be precise. Oh yes, the 18th; I am an adult now, according to the government. And you are also undoubtedly aware that your religion prohibits the celebration of birthdays, and since I at one point was forced into this religion, I have never received birthday presents.
Well, it is fitting that I have a favour such as this to ask, on my 18th birthday, and I think such a fact should render you more lenient in granting this favour.
I humbly entreat your fiscal aid. The exact amount I will not disclose immediately as it is rather substantial, this being the very reason why I have decided to beseech you, in form of written treaty.
A ‘written treaty‘? What the heck is this?” you are ineluctably thinking to yourself. Well, I’ll tell you what:
a formal exchange, a deal, A BARGAIN, if you will. You see, I recognise your miserly ways, I have no choice but to hear you complain about your shortage of money, constantly; “I work so hard and make so little“ you say. ‘You don’t have any money to spare‘, you tell me. Why, you don’t even have enough money for the bare necessities! Oh mother, how I sympathise, but can’t you see that I am STARVING without money?
Furthermore, I am aware that it will not be an easy task to procure the particular amount of money I have in mind [due to it‘s largeness]; thus I have composed this contract, wherein I will stipulate the grounds on which I am asking for this money.
But let’s not call it “asking for money”, let’s call it “love”: asking for your love. Yes, that’s much better.
To get this persuasion in motion, I will firstly assail you with what YOU will get out of this exchange.

If I am granted this money, I PROMISE to do the following:

- clean the whole apartment, indefinitely eg: My room, kitty litter, vacuuming, dishes, living room, etc
- cut my precious hair
- when I get a job I will pay back SOME of the money. I cannot lie: I am 90% sure I won’t pay you back all of it, but I can promise to pay back some, because I am an honest kid who also unfortunately has a tiny bit of humility, and cannot help but feel obligated
- respond in coherent, full sentences [as opposed to surly teenage grunts]
- not skip school for the rest of the semester
- go to bed earlier [eg, before 1am]
- take ya out to dinner once I get a job
- have supper ready when you get home, at least once

Failure to accomplish any/all duties may be punished by means of:

- a slap across the face
- the removal of computer/internet privileges
- a good talkin’ to
- a week in the stocks
- the removal of an ear, toe, or finger, via knife/blade
- 50 lashes with the cat o nine tails
- the wrath of jehovah
- death

Secondly, I will assault your eyes with a list of things that you should CONISDER when making this decision:

- you have an extremely intelligent son, who obviously deserves a large amount of money. All the time.
- your extremely intelligent son is also delightfully clever, and won’t this make a great conversation piece, for say, your conversations with Lisa, Chris or whoever you might be talking to you: “Oh, you have to hear what my intelligent/clever son Stefan did to get money…” you will say, of course ensued with boasting of how you are a wonderful, generous mother who granted Stefan the money he worked so hard to attain
- This could make all the difference, 20 years from now. Think about it: would you rather be sitting alone in a big ol chair amidst a urine-pungent room at the old folks home, watching Millionaire and Jeopardy for years, wallowing in soul-crushing loneliness/despair, body slowly turning to dust--- OR would you rather have your handsome, intelligent, 30 year old son Stefan stopping by to say:
Hello mother dearest [who gave me that sum of money back in 07], I have bought you your own apartment! And diamonds! Because I am ineluctably famous for something by now and have the money for such acts of flagrant generosity.” These are the possible scenarios, the paths upon which you will inevitably tread! Now, I am no one to tell you how to live your life, but choose wisely. All I can say.
- I’m taking pills! I’m crazy! A loose-cannon! Any little thing could send me over the edge! Denying my access to your financial reserves could be my untimely death! My epitaph would read “Stefan: infanticide by stinginess. Killed by his miserly mother.” Is that what you want? To kill your wonderful clever son?
- If this letter proves anything, it is that I am amazing, and will inexorably be the only person in this family to achieve any sort of tangible success, and also the only one to finish high school and get a DEGREE. Therefore you should nourish my burgeoning soul with MONEY. $$$ ! [As owner of this burgeoning soul, I can tell you that money is exactly what it needs, at the moment.]
- If I am given this money, I might choose to attribute my spectacular intelligence to my MOTHER
Oh, my intelligence?” I would say “I owe it all to my mother. A very intelligent woman. She made the right choice.
- I don’t act like Justin and Jessica, that deserves a reward in itself
- If I don’t get this money I cannot guarantee that I won’t begin acting like Justin and/or Jessica
- If I don’t get this money, people will come break my fingers. Nobody wants a son with broken fingers. For all you know it could happen.
- I hardly ever ask for money, and if I’m given this money, I will not again, at least for a very long time

I suppose I should stop my lollygagging’ and get straight to my desired amount of money...
The amount of money I want is… 150$
Yes, one-hundred and fifty bucks. Yes, a lot of money! I am aware of that. But if I went on to express my IRREMIABLE NEED for this money, I would go off an on even longer tangent, which would inexorably necessitate a whole ’nother contract. So I will go no further than typing “IRREMIABLE NEED” in bold capital letters, and stating it a second time.
Know that what I plan on buying is not completely self-serving, and though I am omitting my planned purchase/s, I can assure you that you will LOVE it and BENEFIT from it, and it will collectively enrich our lives. And I say that without a touch of sarcasm or crassness. You will see.
I am willing to settle for a lesser amount, if $150 is absolutely way too much
I am willing to downgrade to $120.
And if you hate me/it’s absolutely not possible, I am willing to relegate as far as 100$.

In any case, by now you are inevitably convinced that I deserve this money and are willing/anxious to hand it over ASAP. Below you will circle your fiscal choice, and below that is the designated location for signatures. Thank you for reading this, I await your response. - Your obedient son, Stefan

[circle] Choice of payment:

$150                   $120                         $100                   I am a terrible mother 
                                                                                        and hate my son

 


I ___________________________ recognise the terms of this contract and agree to adhere according to it in all aspects. I also recognise that this contract cannot be destroyed by any means [toilet-flushing, incineration, ripping, nuclear bombs, etc], nor can it be altered in any way, and will remain forever emblazoned in the brains of those taking part.

_____________________________ [signature of investor]

 

p0ison1vy [userpic]

Je Regret Everything

December 19th, 2007 (04:45 pm)
Tags:

current song: erik satie







PS.




p0ison1vy [userpic]

decisions, decisions

November 5th, 2007 (09:14 pm)
current song: Nico - The Fairest Of The Seasons

what should I do?

Gary wants me to move in with him, and i'm not sure what to do. Should I stay here: having no friends, no job, no boys, being unhappy with things, with my crazy mother, stagnant in all aspects...
Or should I move, have everything drastically change, possibly make new friends, have at least one good friend, a possible boyfriend, change scenery completely, new school, leave everything i've known behind, take on adult responsibilities, take a big risk...
As far as Gary knows, I've made up my mind that i'm coming. But I just had a moment where I was like "Well things aren't so bad, maybe I should just stay and take the safe route..."

The thing is-- I'm done with staying inside on the computer doing nothing. I'm sick of it! I shouldn't be living like this.
There are times when I'm scared that i'm dying-- I could very well have cancer for all I know. My symptoms remain unresolved after all this time
I can't concentrate in school, in my current situation.
I'm depressed; if I go to bed any earlier than 1am, I just think, and think, and want to kill myself. So I stay up until crazy hours of the night just so that I'll sleep as soon as my head hits the pillow, so that I dont have a chance to think and be sad. This causes me to go about my days, particularly at school, even more unfocused and unhappy, because i'm running on about 2 hours of sleep.
The safe route just is not satisfying me, I need to spread my wings and fly, somewhere else. But it might be really difficult, or might not work at all.

I really like the city gary lives in-- it's so pretty, small, art-oriented, lots of university kids, everyone dresses nicely, a LOT of gay looking guys, an equal distance to Toronto as Barrie, Gary's apartment is nice (nicer than the one I currently live in), he lives in a good area (right downtown), the weather is always overcast, Gary would be a good roommate...

But then like-- I have feelings for gary that are not reciprocated, he loves this other boy, this other boy will probably visit him while i'm living there, and Gary still doesn't know what he's doing with his life-- he doesnt know if he's going to school, and where, he doesn't know how long he's going to stay at his apartment. And what if nothing happens between us but my feelings remain, or intensify?

And also-- a very, very important issue to me [though it might seem silly] is my cat! I am not moving anywhere without my cat. She comes with me, no matter what. But it makes me really sad when I think about moving her somewhere else again; she's a very timid cat, she doesn't like new places, new people; she gets really scared and hides, and it might really suck for her to be somewhere completely new, LIVING with someone she doesn't know, and only one person she's familiar with. It actually like-- breaks my heart to think about this. It feels like I'm kidnapping her, even though she's my cat. Gary is not sure whether he wants me to bring my cat. But if he doesn't want me to, i'm not coming because I just can't live without her. I'm closer to her than to Gary, I love her more. 
I'm pretty sure that i'm going to try this out, but it's still a little unsettling. It's a big change, especially for me.
But maybe a big change is just what i need.

Also, if I don't move, I'm not sure if our relationship will progress; I don't have anymore money for rides to Guelph, and I only have 4 Guelph go bus rides left on the card he gave me. We'd have to space out the visits eventually, and eventually we might hardly ever see eachother, and then i'd be back to being alone.

I'm making a guidance appointment tomorrow so that I can talk to a counsellor about this, see what would have to be done, if it's even possible for me to do this.
I wanted to move in February, for semester 2, but Gary wants me to move like-- RIGHT NOW, at first I was like "No way! Thats crazy!" but I've come to a point where I'm like-- lets just do it. What am I waiting for? I'm sick of this life. I need a change RIGHT NOW.
The thing is-- I don't turn 18 until january 2, so I dont know if I can register myself at a new school right now without my mom, and also, I dont know if I'll get my credits for this semester if i move now because not many schools have Literature and Writer's Craft courses. I looked on the website and I didn't see these courses listed, but I'll check again. We'll see what happens, I suppose.

So there are some things I need to do this week:
- look for drugs
- make guidance appointment
- inquire about long lost student card
- get winter coat

And if I'm told that moving soon is possible (by guidance) then I must add:
- talk to stefan about getting a drive to guelph with my luggage and cat
- get Gary to make a copy of the keys
- get Gary to deposit money into my bank account
- pack up
- sew more clothes
- make a list of things I need to bring
-go grocery shopping, take some of the groceries
-go stealing at Value Village and Goodwill (and possibly other places) with Megan or Ariel
- steal money from mom
- delete all my shit off the computer
- get my files from moms room
- make sure to bring my PS1
- make new email account
- possibly steal some books from the school library

p0ison1vy [userpic]

I cook, I clean, I buy you presents; it's not enough

October 15th, 2007 (04:14 pm)

Well, you see, 

When I was 15, this guy from faceparty befriended me, and he had some pretty cool, obscure tastes in music and movies, eg: Xiu Xiu was his favorite band, he loved Kimya and Joanna when I showed them to him, he liked all these cool movies, had a good knowlege of directors, etc.
But at that time, I was goin through some shit, had issues, was miserable; and so I just got mad at him over and over, for stupid things, and was pretty mean to him. I won't get into it... 
But anyways, eventually, after a few arguments he blocked me, then probably a few months later I sent him an email saying I was sorry and that I changed and wanted to try things again, he unblocked me, but my behaviour repeated itself, and I was reblocked. Then recently-- a few weeks ago, he went and saw Kimya, and that was like a catalyst for adding me AGAIN {on his own terms] to see how I was.

We got talking, he said he thought about me a lot still, and at first I was apprehensive and felt like-- I really don't want to start with this again. But I forced myself to put all my crap behind me and just talk to him, and I started to actually like him. We share many tastes in music and movies, and in fact he knows a LOT more than me and I quite admire it. Meanwhile, he was being really flirty, in fact, he said "Come visit me next weekend!"
I was quite surprised and didn't know what to think about it. Because he said I'd left quite a bad taste in his mouth from how I used to act and he hadn't quite gotten over it and stuff. At first I was apprehensive because I didn't know what it meant or why he wanted me to come, but then I started getting excited about it and looked forward to it. but then he had to cancel because all of this stuff was happening in his life, including his roommate moving out. This kinda made me realise how much I would like him, because I was so sad that I didn't get to go.
so I thought he was talking to me because he was interested in a relationship, so I started to consider it, and I was like "Hey, yeah. Lets just try it and see where things go"
So then I started talking to HIM about this and he was all "well I didn't think THIS would happen..." so he explains that he wasnt serious when he was being flirty and he didnt think anything of it, blah blah blah.

But I was really persistant  and he knew I was dead serious about it, so he started to consider it too.
But the complication in all this is that he was KINDA seeing this guy a few months ago. This guy and him were fooling around but he started to develop REALLY strong feelings for him, which were not quite reciprocated. The guy he likes was doing prostitution and was really permiscuiss and didn't want a relationship, but nevertheless told my guy that they werent just friends and he could see them together ONE DAY.
Obviously, this is no good, but my guy (Gary's) feelings remain just as strong for this boy, even though he hasn't seen this guy he likes in over three months!

His feelings are REALLY strong too, and it's difficult to understand, when this guy isn't treating him quite right and doesn't even like him the same way.
So Gary is completely confused and unsure of what he wants, he doesnt know if he wants to get over this guy or not, or if he is 'ready' to pursue things with other guys, or even be physically close to them.
And myself, being completely stupid, am not deterred by this, but rather am motivated to get him to love me. To do this, I made some pretty detailed drawings for him, bought him a 10$ box of chocolates, drew a neat picture on the wrapping paper, made him a teddy bear, tried to get him flowers from my friend's mom but she had a family emergency and in the end could not get me them, I also bought the ingredients for, and made him dinner. I was trying REALLY hard.
So this weekend was our reschedualled date, I went up, and stayed from friday night until this morning! I missed a day of school to go!
And anyways, the first night was great and lots of fun. It was exciting and nice, I made him dinner, he showed me music, we smoked a bit, watched a movie, fooled around a tiny bit, kissed a bit. But the rest of the weekend was just kinda... Not measuring up to that first night. The second day our plan was to go to value village, so we walked there, it was freezing cold, Gary was getting a headache, we didnt find anything good at Value Village, he was disappointed, we went home. Then he made me take a bunch of vodka shots, and then smoke a joint. At first I was fine and I was paying attention to the movie we were watching and stuff, but then I started to feel sick and
I just threw up and threw up, it was bad. Although it felt like I dream, i'm still so sad that it happened. I didn't make a mess or anything, I always did it right into the toilet or a bag, but still-- who wants to throw up the first time they're with a boy they like?
So I pass out at like 9pm, even though it was the last thing I wanted to do. I wake up at like 3am to find that Gary is not in bed with me, I go to the living room and find him sleeping on the couch. I put my head on him, he wakes up and asks what's up. I say I'm really sorry for getting sick, he says don't worry about it, I ask what he did after I passed out, he says hes really tired and wants to sleep, I ask him to come sleep with me but he says he doesn't want to sleep in the bed that might have vomit in it. I just rest my head on him, he asks me if I can get off of him because he wants to sleep alone because hes really tired and won't be able to get back to sleep otherwise.
I, still slightly drunk and high, feel very hurt and rejected-- like I have made him dislike me because I threw up and stuff, so I recorded myself talking to my digital camera, on the brink of tears, and then decided I would stay another night. I go to the couch again, tell him I want to stay another night, then go back to the computer.
The next day he has to work ,so I stay at home watching movies by myself, I got see him after work and walk home with him, when we get home he immediately wants to watch movies, as did I. So we're watching a movie and I put my arm around him and he's like
"What are you doing?" 
"... What?.." I say
"...Don't put your arm around me..." I feel like all my fears about the weekend were true; I'm devastated and a little bit angry.
"Why??"  I think to myself-- I'm only putting my arm around him, not groping him or kissing him, whats the big deal?
"I just don't want to do this right now... I just want to enjoy the movie... And your arm is too high up."
"Do WHAT? I'm just putting my arm around you; I'm not going to DO anything."
"Still, please just don't put your arm around me. I can't concentrate on the movie"
"Is that really the ONLY reason why?"
"Please, I can't talk about this right now. I'm too high"
I get angry and frustrated, and yank my arm away from him, and do nothing but think about it throughout the entire movie.
Before he puts the next movie on, I confront him about it and force him to talk a bit, though not much was accomplished, except for getting him more frustrated.

I don't think he likes me.
Even if it is that he's 'not ready', it would still really piss me off because I put my heart into trying to win him over. I spent at least 50 dollars on this weekend with him alone. I bought him a present, I made him things, I missed 1 and a half days of school for him, risked getting into a lot of trouble, I cleaned, sat through 4-hour busrides, helped him move his stuff around, bought him dinner, made him dinner. Ugh. I've never tried so hard in my life!

I'll be damned if I'm rejected now!

well anyways, I'm supposed to give him a call at work now. So I better go.

p0ison1vy [userpic]

we are already done; the places that you're headed and here, they are the same one

October 6th, 2007 (02:09 am)
current mood: hurty elbow
current song: Pathway To Eden - by Diane Cluck








                 






p0ison1vy [userpic]

grade 12

September 3rd, 2007 (07:40 pm)
curious

current mood: curious
current song: My Friends And Parties - by Tracy And The Plastics

So I probably should make a 'final summer entry' just to feel better about my transition from summer, to grade 12... And what better a day, than the last of summer holidays, right?

Well, this summer has gone by ridiculously quick, which surprises me: I expected it to be slow and painful, akin to last summer. I suppose going to Toronto for a month cut my holidays in half, really.
Last year I was excited to go back to school, because I was so sick of my idle brain, constantly thinking, worrying, feeling shitty about things.
But this summer was actually EXCITING and good: I had people to hang out with, places to go, friends to make, things to do...
and furthermore, I am not happy about going back to school... But I'm not miserable about it either. I'm trying to just be nonchalant about it.
Simply because: I only have 3 classes per semester, [yay grade 12]
and also: I love my clothes!
Going to school also doesn't suck as much because I don't feel as isolated and alone as I have in the past, also I know that grade 12 is said to be the best year of highschool. Not to mention that my most difficult classes (science, math) are grade 11 level! : D I'm quite happy about all this.

Nevertheless! It's irritating that now I can't just take off for a few days whenever I want, to sleepover at friend's houses, or to go see boys, I can't just do whatever I want now that school's back in sess. But that's life. I suppose that once I get into school-mode again, I'll have more initiative to do other things I'd like to do; getting a job, for example.

I'm anxious about some things. eg, I'm taking a Canadian World Politics course, first semester. Meanwhile, I am devoid of the other courses I was really excited to take, such as Writer's Craft and Literature. How I have yearned to craft my writing, and have an excuse to read classical literature! But alas, I had to deploy my most sought-after courses back into the ether, in order to preserve 2 extra hours of sleep!
If I have the choice to take an alternative course, I do not want to take politics. It's not that I'm not interested in them, it's just that I know I probably won't do well in it, and I know that I have to focus more on my grades now that I'm in grade 12! And where the hell is politics going to get me, career-wise?! Nowhere!
So I really hope I can switch that class. Hmm. I COULD just not go to it, but I fear that maybe I'll miraculously find an opportunity to go from highschool straight to university despite having 2 more grade 11 credits, and 2 few grade 12s. I'm afraid that this opportunity might exist somewhere out there, and deciding to drop a class might screw the post secondary magic that is just waiting to yank upon my sleeve. But if there is no possible way that this opportunity could exist, I might just not go (given that I cant switch into anything better, which is likely)!

Lawl, entries about school are boring, but whatever.

I'm happy that I get to set my alarm for more than 2 hours later that I have in the previous 3 years of highschool. It has gone from 6-6:30 to 8:45-9. Pure magic!
I don't even have to leave until 10:30am! Oh, it's wonderful! I never thought a semester such as this would come. I am a lucky boy.

It's sad to start school again, there's always that end of summer meloncholy. But it's kind of different now, knowing that if I wanted to, I could just stop right after this year, and go be an 'adult', if I really wanted to.

This sadness makes me want to talk to people close to me but I can't really find anyone at the moment!
If you hadn't assumed, Stefan and I had ended a while ago, at the beginning of August, or maybe it was the very end of July... Anyways, the straw on the camels back was this LIVEJOURNAL. He saw an entry I wrote previously where I [in jest] said that I didn't care if he was anrgy at me because I could do better than him, I just liked him because of his car and his own place, etc.
These comments were based on truth, at the time I was bored of things with him, I didn't see him as what I wanted, and I wanted to explore my other options, though we were never officially dating. Just 'seeing eachother', I suppose you could say.
But now, after being through yet more boys, after being through more experimenting, I'm learning more about what I want. And I think I want to try things again with him. I've talked to him about it, but so far we're just going to see where things go. We would discuss it further, but last friday he left for a one-week vacation to Cuba! So I guess he'll be back at the end of the week, or beginning of next. Although, I'm not sure if anything will even happen immediately, as far as He and I, because September is a very busy month for him.
I miss him though. I quite want to see him again, and I want to see the dynamic between us again, to see if it's what I want.
I'm a silly, naive boy sometimes. I'm still learnin', and I'm lucky to know a couple people who are willing to stand by and wait for me to see the things I need to eventually see.

Well, my plans for tonight go as follows: bake cookies, find someone interesting to chat online with, watch a movie of some sort, perhaps an anime movie because I re-watched Spirited Away the other day and am still in an anime mood, take sleeping pill, sleep. Can you think of a better way to spend the last day of your summer holidays? Didn't think you could.

Also, I believe my mom will try to fix these neon green pants I stole from Good Will! I hope she can do it, they dont fit around my waist so I had to rip the seams out of the pockets and she's going to cut open the waistband and sew them in there to make em bigger. ahah oh geez. neon green jeans with no butt-pockets. it'll do.

p0ison1vy [userpic]

dramady

August 7th, 2007 (03:38 pm)
annoyed

current mood: bad

My plan was that my follow-up entry would be a more descriptive account of my life in Toronto... 
But things never really go as planned, do they.

I'll tell ya why: I have just experienced some TorontoBoy-related drama that requires venting!

So theres this guy in Toronto whom I assumed would NEVER like anyone like myself, and whom I thought that as soon as he met me, would be like "pfft. loser" and walk away.
But I met him, and he actually ended up liking me! Flirting with me afterwards, even! Which made me pretty friggin happy because I think he's kinda awesome. We have the same aesthetic tastes, kinda like the same scene-ish, like the same kind of music, are both intelligent. I don't know. We click. (But nevertheless we have our big differences)

Anyways. I had plans yestarday to hang out with a friend in scarborough, but then this toronto boy told me that yestarday was the only day he could hang out with me because he works all throughout the week and has made plans for what remains of his free time. 
So I suddenly changed my plans; postponed my scarborough friend in order to hang out with this boy. We were to hang out the day after this concert he was going to, (he booked the day off because  he knew he might not be in the state to work due to concert/afterparty partying. aka drugz) 
And when we made these plans I was thinking in my head "well then will you be in a state to want to hang out with ME then" but I kept it to myself because I assumed he would know better than I, and therefore if he was suggesting we hang, then it must be okay.
I was really looking forward to it because I like him, and maybe have one of those little crushes I get.  I was thinking about it, and the day we were supposed to hang (sleepover actually) i was dolling myself up meticulously, which takes HOURS let me tell you. And then he comes online and is like "actually... i dont think today's a good idea for our hangouts"
he WAS apologetic about it and seemed sincere, and he probably was. I'm still not sure if I should be pissed off at him about it. Regardless, it was quite disappointing to me, as you can imagine. I had cancelled plans with my other friend, had been looking forward to it a lot, and had been getting ready for a few hours.
I'm not sure if the reason he gave is the REAL reason why he cancelled, or if maybe he just didn't feel like hanging with me that day. I suspect so, but it would hurt my feelings because I was looking forward to it a lot and I dont want to be blown off like that.

Anyways. So after that I went a little nuts trying to find someone to hang out with me. I was able to talk to my scarborough friend and reschedual my plans for THAT NIGHT. So off i went on the subway to meet him at kennedy station.
He was VERY quiet, which is strange because he really seems like the outgoing type. I was thinking "what? does he feel awkward? does he not like me now that hes met me?" etc but i just acted casual and wasnt nervous or awkward or anything.
he didn't talk. he just like-- touched me and got close to me and stuff and was waiting for me to make moves on him, i knew he wanted to fool around. 
so we did. but, you know, i thought we would still HANG OUT? i didn't expect fooling around to be the end of it.
but the next morning he ditches me, to hang out with his BOYFRIEND.

it's all very confusing to me. i don't know what to think. all i know is that i'm in a crappy mood and i need a friend with me. a real friend. 
and a shower.

at least out of experiences like these i have learned one thing! 
and that thing is how to utilise the complicated transit system in Toronto! I feel independent and free and sophisticated. Lol

Postscript: upon coming back home I met my dad's girlfriend (Irene) who is quite pretty and nice actually, and not a sweaty heap of lard, as I had imagined. weirddd

post-postscript: the icing on the cake for today was, as my dad was leaving, he asked 
"You're not planning on going out at any point the rest of the night, are you?"
No, Dad. I'm not. I am sealed inside your apartment all by myself on the computer for the rest of the day. -_-

p0ison1vy [userpic]

(no subject)

July 29th, 2007 (03:07 pm)
current location: dad's apartment, toronto
current mood: bored/frustrated
current song: sawdust and diamonds - by joanna newsom

balls
I am being confined to this 1-bedroom bastille, until my father comes home.
i am ridiculously bored and in a bad mood.
This is Toronto, there is so much out there to do, and I am stuck on the computer or watching stupid sunday afternoon television.

Having not been updated on my life in over a month, these words would not make sense to whatever crazy hooligans read this journal...
therefore I am going to give you a series of brief, abrupt updates re: my life since June 21.

Got the exact same camera model as my old one, from Megan
Gave the camera back.
Mom got a completely new camera using a series of sears discounts and sales, wittling the price to 89$.
made new friends.
met a guy named stefan.
lost virginity to said guy named stefan.
moved to toronto temporarily.
began working without pay at dad's Party Packagers store in Richmond Hill
Bought over 25$ worth of hair extensions.
Lost over 25$ worth of hair extensions.
Had 70$.
Lost 20$ bill.
Got stuck in dad's apartment until he gets home from work.

There you are.
I will now explain the situation I am currently in re: stuck in an apartment.
My dad only has one copy of the keys to his apartment.;because he lives alone; one of the keys is not a key at all, but a card; and also because of security reasons.
Therefore, if there is a day where I'm not working and he is, I either have to leave when he leaves in the morning and get buzzed in after he comes home later on, or I'm otherwise stuck inside the apartment until he gets home. Because I can't lock the door, and I also cannot get back inside!
I was off work once so far and managed to avoid being trapped due to hanging out with aaron, dasha and megan.
But today did not work out as planned, oh no.
how dare my father have so few amenities!
and how dare stefan not respond to my frequent and psychotic voicemail messages!

well anyways. this morning my dad had to be in Brampton by 7am for a business thingie. So there was no possible way I'd be going ANYWHERE at 6am.
I tried to get ahold of Stefan, but as usual, when I'm in a bind, all I get is the answering machine.

i can't go to any cool sites on this computer because the computer is in my DADS room and he'll check the history and yell at me. theres nothing to friggin do here. i just have to occupy myself for hours. -_-
the other downside to having the computer in my dad's room, is that I can't stay up on it at night. When he wants to go to bed, I have no choice but to go to the TV.  life sux

oh, and my dad also lacks a home phone. to cut back on costs, he only has a cell phone. i have eventually gotten around this burden, by nagging my dad into leaving the cell phone with me a lot. it's not like i have anyone to call anyways.

i need a cell phone for toronto, it's hard to get by without one. but, firstly I have no money, and secondly, once I get to barrie it's useless to me because I dont call anybody in barrie.

well my dad said that he would come home at around 5 or 6, i believe. and stefan said that he'd be available again at 5 or 6. so i'm gonna call stefan again at around 4:30. i dont know why he doesn't answer my calls, theres no reason for it, for the most part. 
i duno. i'm suspecting things of him. but, i dont care that much. i could do better, but it's so convenient to have someone close to you with a car and their own place! SO convenient. 
forget looks and personality, if they have a car and their own apartment, i'll d8 em. 

until 5-6, i dont know what the hell i'm going to do. no one on msn is talking to me, and for some reason only windows messenger works on this computer even though it seems like a pretty decent computer. 
there's nothing on tv at this time of day on sundays. i dont have my movies. it isnt as easy as i thought it would be finding boys in toronto.
ill probaby just sit here listening to music. god bless my smart brain for deciding to burn a bunch of cds before coming to toronto.

i'll make a better update later, go into more detail about stuff that has happened, with photographic illustrations, no less. for now, this entry was intended to occupy me and allow me to avoid boredom to some extent.

p0ison1vy [userpic]

I am on NBC news? holy cow!

June 21st, 2007 (12:33 pm)

So i've consistantly been getting comments like "I saw you on the news!" on one of the vlogs I made a while ago. But of course, why would I believe some kid posting on one of my vlogs? That is what I thought, until someone told me that I could watch the segment by going to msnbc's segment "Is the Internet Dumbing Us Down?"
LOLOL. so I'm on NBC news, about how the internet is dumbing is down. go watch the video here:

http://video.msn.com/v/us/msnbc.htm?f=00&g=599a9cf6-6136-47cb-bdf4-d2badcd4abab&p=Source_CNBC&t=s55&rf=http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/19196474/&fg=

p0ison1vy [userpic]

New Picties

May 14th, 2007 (05:56 pm)



My new friend Megan.



Wearing all my clothes





At the mall on friday with Megan and her friends Dasha and Dustyn.






Dustyn picked these from the Kozlov Mall Parkling lot and gave them to us. They had pesticides on them.







She's trying to give me a piggyback. There's a more sexual photo that exists but it's too cliche, but unintentional.

I don't walk. I get walked.

I really want these now.

Disney store changeroom. 

That's all the pictures. I also made a doctor's appointment for next friday at 1pm.